How to make people like you - Obstacle #3: Being a spelling and grammar Nazi

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I can’t help it OK? It is literally my job to judge people on their writing and it is hard to turn it off once I leave the building.

There is one thing that people hate, and that’s having their spelling and/or grammar commented on. This is not optimal for making people like you.

Generally, I am pretty good at letting things slide. Casual, every day communication between friends does not absolutely need to be 100% accurate. I am victim to spelling errors and typos just like anyone else, but at least I know when I am wrong. There are only a few things that really get my goat. Like, really, really grind against my heart and no matter how much I try to hold it inside myself I can’t help but comment.

Youse

This is the biggest one for me. Are you all listening? The plural of “you” is just “you”! Adding an “s” to the end of the word does nothing except highlight your ignorance.

If you are worried about people not knowing if you are talking about “you” in the singular or plural (but trust me, they will. Context is everything), try tacking on “guys” to your sentence. For example, “are you guys coming to the beach later on?” – sounds a whole lot better than “are youse coming to the beach later on?”. “You all” does the same trick.

Apostrophes

A lot (notice how it’s two words?) of people find apostrophes difficult, and I can understand why. The rules are confusing. Some things you just have to rote learn and rote learning sucks.

There are two reasons why you would use an apostrophe, note how neither of them are to indicate plural:

1.     To indicate possession.

2.     To show that letters or words are missing (a contraction).

The main culprits that break the rules and confuse everyone:

• “Its” versus “it’s” (“Its” is the possessive but doesn’t take an apostrophe as it is a word in its own right, “it’s” is the contraction of “it is”).

• “Your” versus “you’re (“Your” is the possessive but again doesn’t take an apostrophe, “you’re” is the contraction of “you are”).

Could of

You could of done nuffink, ok? What you actually want to say is “could have” or “could’ve (a contraction!), but somewhere along the line you heard someone say “could’ve” but thought they said “could of”. Now you know better, so stop saying it or worse, gasp, writing it.

Definately

Seriously, there is no “a” in definitely. Definitely NO “A”.

I know I am preaching to the choir here and that everyone who reads this blog is already an expert on these topics. Also, I am pretty sure that I have made some sort of grammar or spelling error in this entry despite my best efforts and look forward to being corrected.

How to make people like you – Obstacle #2: Liking crap stuff

People judge you on the sort of things you like: your music tastes, the movies and TV shows you watch, as well as your taste in clothes and décor.

For someone trying to make friends this sort of stuff can make or break a fledgling friendship.

I, for example, really enjoy stuff that people hate. The more divided people are on something, the more I will probably like it.

You could write me a hundred-page thesis on why Harry Potter sucks, and I would probably agree with you on every point, I’m an editor for Christ’s sake—but would then run home and read my hardcover copies of the books for the hundredth time, while watching a DVD, wearing my Harry Potter t-shirt, leaning against my Harry Potter pillow slip and warming myself under my Harry Potter blanket, while my framed photo of Ron Weasley looks on.

I obviously place a greater importance on entertainment value than I do on artistic or literary credit. This can be seen in most of things I enjoy: Dawson’s Creek, Britney Spears, Glee, Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, Survivor, True Blood (and the Sookie Stackhouse novels), Shortland Street, the list goes on. Listening to the Macarena at work while everyone else is busy working is one of my favourite things to do.

This isn’t to say I am culturally deprived; I can’t stand commercial radio, I am repulsed by Jersey Shore, and won’t touch a Dan Brown novel. Paradox?

Just as much as I love sugary, mainstream stuff I adore the road less travelled. I love the edgy, the arty and the twee.

The only way that you will ever make friends if you too like crap stuff is to either find people who like the same sort of stuff as you, or who couldn’t give a pair of cat’s pyjamas what sort of books you read or what music you have on your iPod. Why would you want to be friends with someone who judges you endlessly anyway? Honestly the thought of only reading the literary greats and never picking up an NW magazine makes me feel extremely tired…but then again so does the opposite.

How to make people like you - Obstacle #1: Vegetarianism

Welcome to my new self-help series. It is to help you become more socially acceptable and make more friends. I am hoping that I will help myself as I write these, so I will be targeting the apparent “flaws” in my personality, beliefs or behaviour that might be restricting my friend-making abilities.

Today, we look at vegetarianism.

First of all, I am not technically a vegetarian. Some may call me a semi-vegetarian or a pescetarian—that’s right, I eat fish. Sometimes I eat fish every day, sometimes I don’t eat fish for months. But I never eat cow, pig, chicken or any other animals that roam Earth. I say vegetarian for ease of use, and because I can’t really pronounce pescetarian.

People react in different ways when they find out that you don’t eat meat. Responses range from:

• Comradery: “I am a vegetarian too. Let’s swap recipes and names of places to eat!”
• Genuine interest: “I am thinking about becoming a vegetarian. What made you decide? What do you eat?”
• Mild interest: “I am not thinking about becoming a vegetarian, but I am interested in people who are and enjoy vegetarian food a few nights a week if I haven’t defrosted anything.”
• No interest, but acceptance: “I could never be a vegetarian and have to meat at every meal. But I will make you extra veges for tea tonight to go with our roast beef, but keep that tofu far away from me.”
• Defensive: “I love eating meat and believe that anyone who questions my right to eat it is the devil incarnate. The human body needs 90% of their diet to be red meat. To get the same iron as a steak, you would have to eat three million tons of spinach.”

So you see that being vegetarian can either help you make friends or turn people against you. How you respond is up to you.

Follow my top five tips and be surrounded by meat lovers and tree huggers alike.

1. NEVER screw up your face as a potential friend tucks into their steak at a BBQ while you smother your vege burger in tom sauce.
2. NEVER assume that people will know what you do and don’t eat. If you taste your “vege” soup that someone has especially made for you and you realise that it has been cooked with chicken stock, just grin and bare it. You can only do the best you can and it is the thought that counts.
3. DO answer people’s questions helpfully and politely.
4. DON’T get into big arguments about the virtues of not eating meat versus the advantages of eating it with new people. It will only end badly. Save these arguments for your boyfriend or Mum.
5. DON’T lecture people, no matter how sympathetic to your cause they are. No one likes to be lectured. Think about those intense religious people that try and force you to come to their church and then tell you that you will go to Hell if you don’t. It’s the same thing, but perhaps worse.

Letter from a 25-year-old

--> For those who are yet to reach this milestone it seems like a daunting figure. 25! Mid-twenties! And for many… adulthood.

I turned 25 three weeks ago, and was amazed by the number of people who asked me if I was going to have a quarter-life crisis.

First of all, I am glad that 25 years is only a quarter of the way through, not a third or a half.

Second of all, no I am not going to have a quarter-life crisis. I may be 25, but I don’t look back on what I have achieved so far with panic that I am falling behind my peers or haven’t ticked enough things off my list.

Thirdly, is it something you plan on doing? Surely it’s something that just happens?

I have had first-hand experience with The Crisis. Most of you reading this blog will know who I am talking about, and for those who don’t I won’t bore you with the sad story of my pathetic love life. Perhaps seeing someone else go through it helps me put things in perspective and knowing that I don’t want to end up down that road.

I can’t think of any real reason why I would suddenly have a freak out just because I have spent 25 years on this planet. In that time I feel like I have achieved plenty and am well on my way to achieve more.

If I was a bit insecure I could be worried about my single status. 25 and single?! Shock, horror! It seems like every time I log into Facebook someone else is getting engaged or posting wedding and/or baby pictures. I have been single for well over a year now, and to be honest it was one of the best and busiest years of my life to date. Why would I want to rush into anything with just anyone when I’m doing fine on my own?

If I was materialistic I would worry that I don’t own a house yet or have any assets to speak of. I have never even owned a car. I spent about half a house deposit on an overseas adventure this year, and intend on doing it again next year. At this point in time I want experiences, not property.

So for all you nearly 25-year-olds out there, don’t stress about the number. Be proud of yourself for all that you have achieved in your short life and be ready for the adventures that await.

How I felt at the end of Dawson's Creek

Yeah, I admit it. I'm a Dawson's Creek fan...

Although not that big a fan, I only just finished watching the sixth season, approximately seven years after it was made.

I do own series one to five on DVD however, I like to put them on when I'm doing an activity like cutting out a dress pattern or plucking my eyebrows. Why don't I own series six you ask? Because I'm cheap. The others were all $20, and the sixth one is still about $50. I rented it from Video Ezy instead.

To be honest I found 23 of the 24 episodes extremely boring, but had to watch the whole thing for completeness' sake.

Episode 24 however, had me bawling my eyes out. It's set five years in the future and everyone is gathered around Jen's death bed. Thankfully the series had a proper ending and didn't just end on a cliff-hanger or leave things unresolved. Yes, the cheese factor was high, but it was extremely self-reflective and didn't take itself too seriously - something lacking in all other 127 episodes.

So who did Joey choose in the end - Dawson or Pacey? She chose Pacey, obviously. How could anyone choose a guy who wore cargo pants and polar fleeces for four continuous years, even when he was working in Hollywood?

Anyway, I have found myself thinking a lot about the show for the past few days and wondering if it has influenced my life at all. I was 13 when it first came out and 18 when it ended - the direct target audience. I can't say that I over-analyse everything and pump out the longest, most metaphor and synonym filled sentences possible (the only character's speech I ever want to emulate is Lorelai (senior and junior) from Gilmore Girls).

I've never gone out with my ex's best friend, been an alcoholic, gone to an Ivy League university, nor have I ever sailed around the Caribbean with my young lover. Maybe they did all these things so I didn't have to?

I didn't lead a relationship and sex-crazed adolescence - was this because I lived vicariously through Joey and Jen, who did?

Deep thoughts in memory of a deep show.

RIP Dawson's Creek
1998-2003

Icing: Everyone's favourite food group

I have long confessed that my favourite food group is icing. Or iced bread, to be more specific.

What could be more delicious than a food that is already a bit questionable in its health merits (white bread) topped with pure sugar, butter and food colouring?
P
ossibly the best feature of icing is its ability to increase the Points value of anything in a heartbeat. Then it can be used to further amp up the sugar and fat levels by being used as glue to stick on other tasty treats such as sprinkles and chocolate and mini M&Ms!

It really is a super food.

Some foods that I think could benefit from a good icing:

• Milkshakes. Especially the kind with loads of soft serve and flavour syrup. It would never set, but if you made it really runny, it would go up a straw a treat.

• Baked potatoes. It could be a like a new fusion food revolution: potatoes for dessert or afternoon tea with your cup of Lady Grey. Alternatively it could be drizzled over french fries instead of aioli.
  
• Pizza. A close relation to bread or cake, I know, but maybe a flavoured icing could replace the traditional sauce base. No? Maybe not.

Anyway, icing is everyone's forgotten friend. The nostalgia of a wine biscuit smothered in pink icing and topped with Pebbles will be with me forever, and an iced bun wrapped in plastic in a Little Mermaid lunch box - it's unbeatable.

Just accept the fact

You can pretend that you don't think things look better in sepia, but you would be wrong. And a liar.

Just admit it. Take a deep breath and admit it to yourself.

Doesn't that feel better?

You might think that you look really good in canary yellow and only buy canary yellow tops and dresses and scarves. This might be true (although highly unlikely), however it is a guaranteed fact that you look better in sepia.

Take me for example.

You can't tell that I am white as snow, my hair is greasy, and that my room is really messy. I also look way more intelligent and elegant in sepia.

And less like a psycho.