How to make people like you - Obstacle #3: Being a spelling and grammar Nazi

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I can’t help it OK? It is literally my job to judge people on their writing and it is hard to turn it off once I leave the building.

There is one thing that people hate, and that’s having their spelling and/or grammar commented on. This is not optimal for making people like you.

Generally, I am pretty good at letting things slide. Casual, every day communication between friends does not absolutely need to be 100% accurate. I am victim to spelling errors and typos just like anyone else, but at least I know when I am wrong. There are only a few things that really get my goat. Like, really, really grind against my heart and no matter how much I try to hold it inside myself I can’t help but comment.

Youse

This is the biggest one for me. Are you all listening? The plural of “you” is just “you”! Adding an “s” to the end of the word does nothing except highlight your ignorance.

If you are worried about people not knowing if you are talking about “you” in the singular or plural (but trust me, they will. Context is everything), try tacking on “guys” to your sentence. For example, “are you guys coming to the beach later on?” – sounds a whole lot better than “are youse coming to the beach later on?”. “You all” does the same trick.

Apostrophes

A lot (notice how it’s two words?) of people find apostrophes difficult, and I can understand why. The rules are confusing. Some things you just have to rote learn and rote learning sucks.

There are two reasons why you would use an apostrophe, note how neither of them are to indicate plural:

1.     To indicate possession.

2.     To show that letters or words are missing (a contraction).

The main culprits that break the rules and confuse everyone:

• “Its” versus “it’s” (“Its” is the possessive but doesn’t take an apostrophe as it is a word in its own right, “it’s” is the contraction of “it is”).

• “Your” versus “you’re (“Your” is the possessive but again doesn’t take an apostrophe, “you’re” is the contraction of “you are”).

Could of

You could of done nuffink, ok? What you actually want to say is “could have” or “could’ve (a contraction!), but somewhere along the line you heard someone say “could’ve” but thought they said “could of”. Now you know better, so stop saying it or worse, gasp, writing it.

Definately

Seriously, there is no “a” in definitely. Definitely NO “A”.

I know I am preaching to the choir here and that everyone who reads this blog is already an expert on these topics. Also, I am pretty sure that I have made some sort of grammar or spelling error in this entry despite my best efforts and look forward to being corrected.

How to make people like you – Obstacle #2: Liking crap stuff

People judge you on the sort of things you like: your music tastes, the movies and TV shows you watch, as well as your taste in clothes and décor.

For someone trying to make friends this sort of stuff can make or break a fledgling friendship.

I, for example, really enjoy stuff that people hate. The more divided people are on something, the more I will probably like it.

You could write me a hundred-page thesis on why Harry Potter sucks, and I would probably agree with you on every point, I’m an editor for Christ’s sake—but would then run home and read my hardcover copies of the books for the hundredth time, while watching a DVD, wearing my Harry Potter t-shirt, leaning against my Harry Potter pillow slip and warming myself under my Harry Potter blanket, while my framed photo of Ron Weasley looks on.

I obviously place a greater importance on entertainment value than I do on artistic or literary credit. This can be seen in most of things I enjoy: Dawson’s Creek, Britney Spears, Glee, Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, Survivor, True Blood (and the Sookie Stackhouse novels), Shortland Street, the list goes on. Listening to the Macarena at work while everyone else is busy working is one of my favourite things to do.

This isn’t to say I am culturally deprived; I can’t stand commercial radio, I am repulsed by Jersey Shore, and won’t touch a Dan Brown novel. Paradox?

Just as much as I love sugary, mainstream stuff I adore the road less travelled. I love the edgy, the arty and the twee.

The only way that you will ever make friends if you too like crap stuff is to either find people who like the same sort of stuff as you, or who couldn’t give a pair of cat’s pyjamas what sort of books you read or what music you have on your iPod. Why would you want to be friends with someone who judges you endlessly anyway? Honestly the thought of only reading the literary greats and never picking up an NW magazine makes me feel extremely tired…but then again so does the opposite.